yeah, so. i’ve always thought it would be fun to do kinda like a mystery science theater 3000 deal with a new movie. starring myself and coupe of my witty friends. and i have found the movie. it’s called stardust.
it boast such names as robert de niro. who plays a fruity sky pirate. yeah, sky pirate. imagine, he had to be fruity. it stars claire danes as the star fallen from the sky and is being pursued by pretty much everyone in the movie. the evil witches want to cut her heart out and eat it. the genocidal princes want to catch her to earn the thrown of some fairy tale kingdom. a fairy tale kingdom i might add that is much better off with no king at all than the likes of these fucking idiots. pardon my french.
it is mildy amusing, however, when these princes are all dead, and thier ghost sit around watching the action and comment on it. kinda like those two old geezers at the muppet show. that’s funny.
i don’t even know the kid that played the lead. but he was mostly uncompelling. claire danes shines. but that’s about it.
a fair concept i suppose. a kid sneaks across this magical wall leading to another world and is seduced by this queen trapped by some dirty old witch as a slave and knocks her up. back on the real world side, he’s delivered a baby nine months later. baby grows up, sneaks across same wall, meets a star, falls in love, defeats forces of evil.
sounds pretty good, huh?
let me add, the scene with michele pfifer as the evil witch being drawn in a carriage pulled by the two billy goats is almost worth the price of admission. if admission was in the seventy five cent range. otherwise, avoid this film like the plague. your two hours you’ll never get back.
Tags: claire danes, dead princes, dirty witch, fucking idiots, michele pfifer, mystery science theater 3000, robert de niro, sky pirate, star dust, the wall
