oblivion

not Tom Cruise’s worst movie.

not near his best either.  it’s really a middle of the road sci-fi flick when ya get right down to it.

here’s where my faith in imdb waivers.  they rate this movie a mere .2 lower than The Place Beyond the Pines which is a far superior film in every regard, except maybe explosions and epic soundtrack.  rottentomatoes is more on target with a 62 from the viewer reviews.  i’ll go 67.5.

this isn’t a bad film, just pretty good.  i’m a sci-fi kinda dude so i dig flicks like this and will prob watch it if i’m flipping though and it’s on.  not gonna buy the dvd or anything though.

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise.

Morgan Freeman does look cool in those glasses.

Andrea Riseborough is my current favorite red head in hollywood.  that’s my kinda lady.

Olga Kurylenko is also smokin’ hot.  she’s got a fairly limitted role but she certainly doens’t get in the way.

Melissa Leo is the obnoxious southern accented talking head that is their commander in the Tet which you’ll learn all about if you see this film, or if ya don’t, who cares?

if ya like Tom Cruise or sci-fi, check it out.  it doesn’t suck and there are some pretty cool visuals.

the place beyond the pines.

starring Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper this film should be up for beefcake flick of the year.  and there’s some Eva Mendez in there too.  it’s a sexy film.

pretty intense drama as well.  terrible title for a movie.

it’s an interesting tail that spins through two families and the impact of decisions that are made and how everything down the line is affected.

it’s a pretty decent film all in all.  it’s 140 minutes which is a bit too long for the average American attention span and will turn the majority of ppl off, but if you can make it half way though, you’ll never notice that last 45 minutes.

most of you aren’t going to make it half way though.  drags a bit from time to time and is overall kind of a slowly paced film much like another recent movie, The Company You Keep.  however the critics and audiences alike seem to much prefer this film over that one.  me?  eh?

rottentomatoes and imdb both have this film rated highly.  right around 80.  if this film had been about 45 minutes shorter.  put a damn intermission in films over 120 minutes hollywood.  have you seen the size of the soda’s they push on ppl?

also just think of the increased concession sales at the intermissions!

back to the film, i’m gonna give it a solid 7.8.  it is really, really good if you like straight drama.  if you’re looking for some fast paced action, there’s a little bit.  Ryan Gosling’s character is a stunt motorcycle driver who robs banks and escapes on his dirt bike, so there’s some pretty exciting chase scenes.  but not enough to keep the interest of most movie goers for 140 minutes.

not your typical popcorn muncher but check it out if you wanna see some pretty good actors at the top of their game.  both the lead actors are on hot streaks and this film really shows there meddle.

this film gets my early nod for Oscar nominee.

42.

42 is quality family cinema.  quality.

i know what it’s like to sit in a crowd of ppl cursing and booeing the opposing team for no reason other than the color of their jersey.  can’t imagine what it musta been like in 1947 when it was over the color of his skin.

Chadwick Boseman plays a guy just puts his shoulder to the wheel, concentrates on his craft and puts up rookie of the year numbers.  makes me really consider how an amazing strength of character Jackie Robinson must have had.

Harrison Ford is money as Branch Rickey, the general manager who pulls the trigger on bringing Jackie over to Major League Baseball.  he has the best line in the movie regarding why he was bringing over a black player.  he says money isn’t black or white.  it’s green.

i wish they had included all of Leo Durocher’s real life speech.  Leo Durocher Dodgers manager during Robinson’s rookie year, played by Christopher Meloni, tells the team who are threatening to sit instead of play with Jackie, “I do not care if the guy is yellow or black, or if he has stripes like a fuckin’ zebra. I’m the manager of this team, and I say he plays. What’s more, I say he can make us all rich. And if any of you cannot use the money, I will see that you are all traded.”

capitalism conquored racism.

if i have one criticism of this film it is that this aspect was not more throroughly explored.  but i’m a critic.

this film is much more the vein of the Blindside.  very family friendly and feel good.  except they say nigger a lot.  it is pg-13 mostly because they say nigger about a thousand times.  i think they say nigger more than Django.

it’s a feel good at the end and it never makes you too uncomfortable.  check it out most def if you like sports movies.  if you don’t like sports movies it’s still a good historically significant film that you’ll feel good about when you’re walking out.

Alan Tudyk, one of my personal favorite actors, is the poor sucker got saddled with most of the “niggers”.  and it’s unfortunate.

Lucas Black is also another fav.  he portrays Pee Wee Reese in a very aw shucks fellas let’s just play ball way that i’d kinda like to think Pee Wee really had.

trance.

movie pick of the week for one very base reason.  Rosario Dawson.  and not simply the fact she’s in this movie, but she’s in this movie fully, frontally nude.  and that will make a man’s week.

at this moment i can’t recall a woman being more sexy on screen than Rosario Dawson is in this film.

sultry hardly comes close to describing her.

and there’s plenty of beefcake for the ladies.  bare chested, bare assed James McAvoy and Vincent Cassell all over the place.

the movie is pretty alright too.

obviously it’s not for the children.  there’s plenty of violence and profanity and sex as well as the full, frontal, glorious nudity.

it’s an interesting enough story about a heist gone wrong.  dude takes one on the knoggin’ and can’t remember what he’s done with the loot.  a lil enhanced interrogation fails, he has amnesia.

at this point if i’m a gangster, i just smear that queer and write if off on my taxes as a 20 million dollar loss.  but they try to get the juice out of him by having a head shrinker squeeze his noodle.  whatever, it was in the script.

enter luscious, lascivious and mouthwateringly beautiful, Rosario Dawson as the sexy psychairatrist.

TEASER WARNING

then these dudes let just let this bitch keep hypnotizing them and ya kinda lose track of what’s going on.  it would be a bit more unbelievable if she wasn’t also fucking them.  in which case, there’s your hypnotism ya fools.

directed by Danny Boyle.

it’s worth the price of admission for the T and A alone, but it’s a decently done psycho-thriller acted spot on by the lead actors.  throw in a medium popcorn and sneak in a beer or two and your golden.

evil dead.

i must say i’m most disappointed in the fact Bruce Campbell didn’t do a cameo.  i mean, come on man.   coulda been a fake shemp at the very least.  but whatever.  i suppose they are trying to market this to the modern audience.  (Bruce Campbell does make an appearance after the credits so don’t be a schmuck like me and leave without seeing him!)

they probably would have done better if they had paid a bit closer homage to the previous, 1981 Sam Raimi directed, Bruce Campbell starring original.

BUT….

this is a pretty decent cabin in the woods flick.  it all seemed real familiar to me until i remembered cabin in the woods was just last year.  and that was a good movie too!  all the cabin in the woods flicks are kinda similar in a few ways anyway.  ya know, a cabin.  in the woods.  with usually five people.  they die off one by one.  each time a bit more gruesome than the last.

and this film is gruesome.  i was reading on imdb.com today like i often am, and was reading how while making the 1981 evil dead, a friend gave them (Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell) to keep the blood running down the screen.  and do they hold to that in this 2013 remake!

it is bloody.  the language is terrible.  it is most definitely an R rated film.  not one you want to take the kiddies to see.

not near as tongue in cheek as the original.  much more a straight ahead horror flick.  it relies on the blood maybe too heavily at times.  a more lighthearted approach at times would have been a better tribute to the original.  not that i’m overly familiar with the 1981 version.

i’m much more familiar with army of darkness, a sequel to evil dead.  and that had great moments of humor that i was hoping i’d find in this reincarnation.  but alas, not so much.

there were a few good one liners and the profanity the demon shouted i found to be a bit amusing.  but i’m always looking for more humor.

starring no one i can remember hearing of before.  and check this neat thing out.

David – Shiloh Fernandez

Eric – Lou Taylor Pucci

Mia – Jane Levy

Olivia – Jessica lucas

Natalie – Elizabeth Blackmore

see how the first letter of the main character names spells DEMON?

not for the weak of stomach.  but if horror movies is your thing, you’re a fan of the original, you like blood and guts, cabin in the woods type of films or just really like seeing fucked up shit happen on screen, then you should probably check this flick out.

large popcorn,  share a large drink, sneak in the m and m’s.

Jurassic Park 3D

the screen goes dark, the opening credits start to roll, and the music has you already.  ya just know something cool is going to happen.  kudos John Williams.  it’s amazing how his scores really stand the test of time.  it’s nearly classical in that regard.  and i love it.

from there i was just reminded how good a movie this really is.  everything that happens is to set up the action that takes place later in the movie.  i also had forgotten how good Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie.

if you get a chance to go see this while it’s in the big theater, do it!  the bigger the screen the better this movie is!  it’s loud, it’s big, it’s exciting.  where are these popcorn munching blockbusters these days?  oh wait, Avengers.  got it.

the story is way over the top, some of the dialog and scenes really don’t make too much sense when you really stop to think about why these people are doing these things, but who cares?  did you see that freaking dinosaur?

and i think it’s also pretty amazing how well the dinosaurs have stood the test of time.  they still look great!  this movie was released in 1993.  that’s 20 years ago!  and the dinosaurs still look great!  and the 3D is pretty cool.  they are coming right at ya!  it’s completely unnessessary, and i can’t say it adds to the film really.  it’s just a good movie and i’m glad to see it again on the big screen.

starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Samuel L. Jackson and Newman, from Seinfeld, Wayne Knight.

this film is a classic and one of my favorite spielburg films.  it’s a large combo number 2 with raisenettes AND goobers.  hell, i might even get excited and get and ice cream on the way out of the theater.

Go See This Movie!  next up, Evil Dead – the remake.

i do have to admit i fell asleep somewhere around the middle and woke up when the T-Rex broke into his epic roar at the very end.  but it’s still awesome!

adam sandler vs. jim carrey

so i just picked up an adam sander/jim carrey four pack dvd for ten bucks at the local wal-mart.  regardless of personal feelings about wal-mart, i’ll drop 2.50 a movie for billy madison, happy gilmore, liar liar and bruce almighty.

if for nothing else, party situations.  you can put one of those flicks on in the back ground and people are going to laugh and the shit they see on screen.  there are some really funny scenes in all four of those movies even if you don’t like them.

but i do like them.  and i’ve decided i prefer the adam sandler films both better than either jim carrey film.  perhaps that’s not a fair sampling as happy gilmore and billy madison are my two favorite adam sandler films.  in addition to grandma’s boy, which is without a doubt my favorite adam sandler film of all time.  and he doesn’t even appear in the film.  which is maybe why it’s my favorite….

but anyway, i don’t think either one of liar liar or bruce almighty is near jim carrey’s best.  they are both pretty much him acting like an asshole the whole time, then all of a sudden, ok,  your antics are enough we like you now.  you can be the hero now.  i mean, really.

although bruce almighty has also jennifer anniston and morgan freeman.  so it gets the nod of the better of the two carrey films.  those are both two very strong character actors i don’t care who you are.

liar liar is i don’t know.  just because you can’t lie doesn’t mean you have to say the most asinine bullshit that comes to your mind.  it was a bit over the top for me.  and it’s hard to believe i’m saying that.  i’m sure at one time i loved that stuff.  but i don’t know.

my favorite jim carrey movie is probably the mask.  which might be some of the most asinine shit ever.  and i love it.  fell in love with cameron diaz during that movie.  and always will be.  my oh my.  arguably the best red dress in cinema history.  as a matter of fact, i hardly recall jim carrey from that movie at all.  because anyone with a brain knows jim carrey’s best film is once bitten.  where he is slowly seduced, and sucked dry, by lauren freakin’ hutton.  let’s be serious, who wouldn’t let themselves be slowly seduced, and sucked dry by lauren hutton?

either way, these four movies in total are worth ten bucks for sure.  even valued at 2.50 each, well worth it.  and also easily traded for more crappy movies later.  but i think just for happy gilmore it’s worth keeping around.  and i laugh out loud every time i even think, “stop looking at me swan!”  in fact i’m laughing in my chair as i type.

and if you don’t know what i’m talking about, stop what you are doing and go watch billy madison right now.  hilarious stuff.  ridiculous, yes.  ridiculous and hilarious.

gi joe: retaliation

action packed and mindless.

but also a lot of fun.  as i was watching this crazy ninja rock climbing combat sequence i decided, yeah, my gi joe’s could do that.

and you do gotta remember this is a movie based on a toy line.  and toys can do anything!

dwayne johnson and channing tatum are good on screen together.  i can see some buddy movies in their future.  the story is pretty far fetched, much like some of the old gi joe cartoons i used to watch.

adrianne palicki is kinda good looking.  she should be in more tight red dresses.  ay carumba!

bruce willis is one of my favs, and i’ll admit to somewhat of a man crush so take that every how you like.  but he’s always fun to watch blow shit up.

but anyway, it’s a fun, mindless action movie with some pretty decent lines and some killer action.

it’s rated pg-13 but suitable for most ages i’d say.  not sure why it got the pg-13.  i think someone may give somone the finger but i don’t recall any language.  i think my language in this review is worse that anything in the movie.  adrianne palicki is in her underwear once and byung-hun lee (storm shadow) is shirtless most of the movie.  but if i was cut up like that i’d never wear a shirt either.

as always the 3D is completely unnessessary but there are a couple good scenes where the 3D is used to good effect.  some of the high altitude stuff got be a bit queasy.

it’s a large popcorn and drink combo for sure.

the host.

i actually read this book a couple years ago for a reason i can’t quite recall.  i’m sure it had something to do with a woman though.  and that’s about the same reason i went to see this thing.

i remember reading the book and thinking it was written very much like a screenplay.

it’s the story of a benevolent race of aliens that have taken over the earth and stolen the bodies of all the humans.  wait, aren’t they benevolent aliens?  whatever.  this race of aliens call themselves “souls” and are kind of shiny little sea amonomy looking things except bright white and glowy.  they insert themselves into humans through a slit on the neck and attach themselves to the spinal column and essential take over the human body.  the human body is simply a host for the soul.

the human consciences are simply just lost, i guess.

but humans are resilent beings and some of them fight the consciences of the soul and in the case of our main character played by Saoirse Ronan, pursuades the alien soul to help her in her quest to find her little brother and hopefully more surviving humans.

sounds interesting, eh?

that’s what i thought when i read the book.  didn’t translate very well to the big screen.  it quite litterally put my to sleep.  maybe because i already knew what was coming as they didn’t stray a bit from the storyline in the book.

there just seemed to be lots of back story that was missing.  maybe if i didn’t know the back story was missing, i wouldn’t have missed it.  but i did.

everything also seemed very sterile to me.  shot very much in the style of the Twilight films, exept in the desert instead of the forest.  i guess it’s really the same formula as the Twilights except there are really two girls inside the one girl and they each fall in love with a different guy instead of just one girl that can’t make her mind up between two guys….

it’s a bit long and dull.  a bit more time on the backstory of the characters and especially the backstory of the souls would have been nice.  i could go back and forth about the things i liked about the book and what was missing in the film, but who’s got time for all that?

skip this film.  especially if you’re a fan of the book.