the runaways.

needless to say this thing has a pretty bitching sound track.

it’s the story of the band, the runaways.  an all girl rock band started in 1975 spawning the likes of joan jett and lita ford.  although it centers mainly on joan jett and cherie curry.  well, not even mainly, it soley centers on joan jett and cherie curry.  teen age girl rockers with some serious attitude.

this film grabs you right off the bat.  i think i literally said “wow” outloud during the first scene.  awesome.

kristen stewart is actually pretty good as joan jett.  she looks kinda like her, sounds kinda like her and carries herself like joan jett in any early videos i’ve seen of her.  this chick ain’t half.  and the best part, no faggie sparkley vampires.  just lots of teen age sex, drugs and rock and roll.

dakota fanning is pretty good as cherie curry, a budding sex symbol with some substance issues.

i wish they had developed the other players in the band a bit more.  or any at all, really.  lita ford, played by scout taylor-compton,  was in the band and she only has a few lines.  the drummer, sandy west played by stella maeve has maybe three lines.  and poor maeby funke, alia shawkat as bassist robin appears to actually be a fictional character with no speaking lines whatsoever.  the band started as a trio with bassist/singer micki steele before adding lita ford and cherie curry.  whatever.

the band rocked.  i’m pissed i got to put up with miley cyrus.  where is this chick rock?

anywho, this film rocks.  it’s a great tribute to girl power.  plus you get to see dakota fanning and kristen stewart make out.  but it does kinda fall apart at the end.  like they are searching for a way to wrap it up.  but it’s still a good flick.

2 1/2 ludes out of 5.

rise.

basically a pretty lame vampire movie.  but the opening scene has lucy lui picking up a female prostitute.  so that’s pretty cool.  and you get to see lucy lui’s boobies a couple of different times.  which is also pretty cool.

otherwise it’s just kind of a retread of just about every other vampire flick you’ve heard about or seen in the last ten years. 

poor little lucy lui in the wrong place at the wrong time gets turned into a vampire.  and she’s pretty pissed off about the whole thing so she sets off to hunt down and kill the vampire that turned her.

blah, blah, blah.

the main bad dude, bishop, does have a pretty good line when he’s talking to his soon to be young blonde dinner.  he says, sex and murder are the only pleasures left to man.  little blonde snack says, which one do you plan on using me for?  both.

but lucy lui’s boobies are totally worth five bucks out of a used bin if you can find it.  and i’m a sucker for crappy vampire flicks with smokin’ hot babes.  but this one is pretty bad.  so i’m going one and a half wooden stakes out of five.

joe dirt.

without a doubt the apex of david spade’s career.  and we thank you for it.  i thank chris farley for it.  if that fat bastard hadn’t overdosed himself with sex, booze and cocaine, the world would be without joe dirt.

it would have been joe dirt but farley would have played dirt and david spade would have been giant frozen poop.  praise allah.

instead, we have arguably the best comedy in the last ten years?  it is funny still right now and it came out in, oh i just looked it up.  2001.  so best comedy in the last seven years.  name a funnier movie since then?

name one you can watch over and over.  laughing just as hard the second time around?  don’t you bust outloud everytime you hear, “i’m your sister, i’m your sister”.

i know i do.

you can get it for five bones at the wal mart.  and it’s just as suitable for children as anything else that’s on.  joe dirt learns valuable lessons and teaches a positive outlook on life regardless of your circumstances.

ten mop buckets out of ten mop buckets.